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Aug. 12th, 2010

How to deal with it?

Well I've been living with my relatives for about four or five months now, I was very grateful to my aunt and uncle for letting me and my sister stay. Ever since the death of my mother back in November 2008 and then losing my house in March. But things have been really rough for everyone here, lots of arguments and fights between them and my cousin, to the point where we leave the house; not coming back until early in the morning. It's getting very, very stressful! Sometimes I wish I could just leave and never come back, it's been terrible these few years. Everything fell apart when my mom died and me and my family have never been more distant. I'm beginning to think things are only going to get worse as the years past and I get older.

Today my cousin, my sister and myself got into a little quarrel with her while doing the dishes. My aunt was ranting on and on about how things need to change and how it's not fair for her. Even though the other day we all had a heartfelt talk about her personal demons. We all cried about it. But now I feel like a complete idiot for it considering the fact she LIED and went back on her word. I'll never believe her when she says she'll change for the better. Far as I'm concerned, she's just a lost cause and I'm not going to waste my time any longer, it's just too bad that my cousin has to go through this all on her own. I really wish I could do a little more to help her figure herself out in this whole disastrous thing. 

But my aunt came out and confessed to us all that she "Could no longer do this anymore." We never asked for her help, she was the one who volunteered herself for our sake and now she wants out? If she didn't want to get involved she should have never offered her help. It makes me feel so stupid and pathetic I can't help but wonder if my mom would have done the same thing if this whole situation was reversed. She always told me to look after my younger cousin, but the three of us hung out so much all the time that we all got really close. I don't even consider her my cousin! To me, she is my youngest sister, so when I leave this place I want her to come with us. I would feel too guilty if I left her here to fend off those two monsters she has for parents.

I can't wait to find a job, make some money and get my own damn place! Then I can finally leave all these things behind me. I want something better for myself, considering the fact all the things I have been put through I deserve a lot better than this. I know it's greedy, selfish and spiteful but I'm tired of living like this, I want things to change. At least just for a little while, make it feel somewhat similar to when my mom was still around....oh those were the days I'll never, ever forget. I just wish I could have spent a little more time with her now, but dwelling on the issue won't bring her back. I'll just have to get through this rut, somehow; someway I know I'll eventually find my freedom.

Dec. 31st, 2009

Happy New Years!!

I'll just make this a short'n'sweet, quick entry but I just want to wish everyone a Happy New Year! Even if you've already experienced a celebration into 2010, or if you're still waiting like me!

I don't know what my plans are as of right now, maybe I'll be staying in tonight and celebrating at home with some close friends and family ♥

But whatever happens I'll know I'll have fun either way! Ringing in the New Year with friends is always awesome. So I hope everyone has had or will have a great evening celebration!

And try to enjoy the what the year has to bring and please celebrate safely and have an exciting night.

Jun. 26th, 2008

Writer's Block: Entering the Game

Are you the kind of person who prefers to enter a game with strategies and codes, or do you like to go into it without any help?
Hmm? I always go into it without cheats and codes first! Just so I can remember my own strategies to get through the game. And then when I finally finished the whole game then I look for walkthroughs and stuff! So I can see if I could have done it faster my way or theirs. Plus it's just helpful to have more then one way of doing specific things in order, and it's fun to experiment and find out cool new things you might have never known about the game you were playing, without looking for hints and ideas on the web!

Jun. 22nd, 2008


Well I just officially started at my new job....at Staples, Yeah I work the till! And it is the hardest thing to learn! I always end up screwing something up on my end! It's going to KILL ME to learn all the functions and keys for paying options. LOL I'm such a slow learner!! But the floor never seems really that busy, so most of the time I'm standing around waiting for customers to bring up their items to pay. And times flies when there's nothing to do but watch the movies that are currently playing on the demo tv's around the store. Hahaha

But do I ever have trouble waking up in the morning! Working 9am till 5pm is sooo long! It takes an hour to get home so by then I'm so tired to do anything! Walking there and to stand for 8 hours and only to walk back home is such a pain!! And very VERY tiring! I NEED A CAR. But hopefully I get used to this whole job schedule thing, Then maybe things will get alittle easier. Plus I look forward to every second Friday.Getting a paycheck here and there is the only thing that keeps me going, I swear! XD I hope I get the hang of it soon!

May. 25th, 2008

Writer's Block: Commercials: the Best and Worst

What commercial do you love the most? Which do you hate?
 I really like that cute Maynards commercial! With the girl dancing in the street! I love that song! Haha
And I really hate those Kelly Ripa commercials with her wanting to do laundry! Eww she looks so scary
and old when she's smiling, makes me scared! Lmao XD

May. 8th, 2008

Writer's Block: Step into My Closet

How many pair of shoes do you have? Out of those pairs, how many do you wear more than a few times a year?
I have soo many pairs of shoes! I can't even count! LOL infact I just bought some new heels today too! :D
And actually I wore a very old pair of shoes today instead of my usual "newer" ones.

May. 6th, 2008

Writer's Block: Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

What is one thing you MUST do before you go to bed at night?
I always listen to my favourite song before I go to bed.
I find that it helps me get relaxed and sleepy :D